Salty or Sour?

Leaving that place, I felt relief.
Time to check that box off, 
I did my duty.
Conquered it one more time,
Until the next...

The difference this time was the feeling I felt the next morning.
Sitting in my deep place I felt regret.
I confessed, "Lord, I wasn't my best self."
I asked Him to show me what was different.
And whenever you ask the Lord to teach you something, 
He is happy to reveal it.

He told me to read Colossians 4.

Live wisely amoung those who are not believers, and make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be gracious and attractive so that you will have the right response for everyone.
Colossians 4:4-5

This is where I felt the word alive and active,
I definitely needed to re-examine my conversation and how I responded that day.
I realized that I hadn't made the right effort with those people,
I was just trying to make it to the end of the appointment.
I wasn't invested.
I had missed the opportunity in front of me.

It's easy to blame my behavior on the people themselves.
If they weren't the way they were, I wouldn't feel the way I do.
I can blame.
I can be stubborn and shut down.
That isn't what God is asking of me in Colossians.
He is asking me to make the most of every opportunity and not just let the time pass so I can check it off, but rather make the moments count.

After this sunk in, I felt led to read in Mark 10.

Salt is good for seasoning, but if it loses it's flavor, how do you make it salty again?  You must have the qualities of salt amoung yourselves, and live in peace with each other.
Mark 10:50

I heard God tell me to be a good flavor of myself, His flavor.
He lives in me so my aroma should be Him.
I shouldn't leave a sour taste in others' mouths.
I needed to be the same version of myself with everyone.
He told me I get my flavor from the Lord not my circumstances.
I needed to keep my eyes on Him.

No matter what anyone has done,
How they have made me feel,
I needed to leave the conversation with His flavor on their lips,
Not remnants of my worldly hurt or pain.
I needed to leave His goodness with them,
The mysteries of Jesus,
The peace of Him behind.

If every time I spoke with Jesus He felt uninvested because of my past sin,
I would be devastated.
Imagine if He wouldn't be able to move past how I used to be,
Imagine if He couldn't be His best self with me because I had hurt Him before..
That isn't the way Christ works, 
He is His kind and genuine self no matter how many times I have hurt Him.
I want to be the same.

So, I am on a quest to find my saltiness with this situation,
because this is going to come up again.
I am not always going to feel good about the people in front of me.
Lucky for me, feeling good doesn't matter.
What matters is that Christ is alive in me.
Everything He is I have.
If I ask Him to pour out His flavor from me He will step in.
He never asks us to give something He hasn't already given us.


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